Monday, February 28, 2011

Walking In This World

Tomorrow morning, I am starting a new challenge:   Walking in this World

The challenge is a 12 week course to follow along with Julia Cameron’s Walking In This World.  She is the author who created the Morning Pages, in which every morning you are required to write three pages of just pure thought, every week you take a walk and also go on an Artist's Date.  Oooh, I love the idea of an Artist's Date:  a museum, making things with other people, going to the craft store...

I've been feeling like I want to spend more time writing, and using my journal again.  But I'm not going to lie - I feel a little uncertain about what to expect and if I can do it.  But I'll give it a try...

And, I am almost done my February Thing A Day...

creativeTherapy: February / A Year in the Life of An Art Journal: Fight

Along with the photography challenges I'm following along with (Scavenger Hunt & Now to Wow), and the Thing A Day challenge for February (and something else coming up for March...), I've been also working in an altered book and following along with two art journal challenges.  Yikes, this seems like a lot, but its all good stuff. 

Two prompts came up at the same time, and I've been trying to get them done.  They were both really difficult and meaningful, hitting me in a vulnerable spot.  I felt like they go together, and so I worked on them simultaneously.  One was past, one was a wish for the future.



From A Year in the Life of an Art Journal:
THE PROMPT: Fight
THE SONG: Breakin' Dishes by Rihanna
PRODUCT/TECHNIQUE: Bleach


I used a bleach pen that we normally use to spruce up our grout, and experimented on paint, magazine images, and types of paper.  I wasn't really pleased.  The bleach didn't have much of an impact.  Then I used some black card stock and started writing some heavy words using the bleach that I didn't realize were in me.  Those became the basis of my interpretation of the prompt.  To make a long story short, I used to equate fighting with love.  I've since been taught otherwise, and that has been extremely healing.  But I have a lot of residual feelings that are just as conflictual as equating fighting with love. 



From creativeTherapy
What are you (or would you be) giving your children that you wish you’d had?

This was a hard one to start.  Seems like some people have babies easy peasy, and others, its an anguishing process.  I guess I fall in the later category.  I've been thinking a lot about "fairness" and the type of mother I would be, and fertility and being "ready."  Frankly, we are so beyond ready, it hurts.  All I can think to do to be more ready is to be as healthy as possible, to keep dealing with my "stuff", and to spend as much time together and with myself as possible.  But that's only so satisfying. 

A lot of my ideas for this one built on the previous prompt.   I couldn't help but feel like I was sending out a plea to our one-day baby, trying to prove that our home would be warm, and full of love, and that they would be given both lots of support and lots of freedom to grow and learn. 

And a shout out to the elephants:  In my magazine cuttings, I ran across this article about elephants in families, and how they fight, protect, and wander alone, all part of the growing process.  I had to include all these amazing images.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Scavenger Hunt


Woo hoo!  I was able to do the scavenger hunt again this week!  I'm pretty excited, because I am thinking about photography again.  As I was putting these together, I realize I'm still a lot all over the place, and I feel like my edits are far from perfect.  But I'm learning, thinking and practicing.  Which is awesome.  And thank you so much for welcoming me into your community - I was happily overwhelmed last week.



1.  Capture the Sky
The skies here are not so interesting, they are flat and dull.  Yesterday, there was a nice feathering of clouds behind this municipal building.  Score.  Cheat:  the sky was not that blue.
2.  Everyday
I took this photo in Panera, our favorite place on earth.  The light is a little wonky.  
But I'm a big believer in eating an apple a day. 
3.  Furry
Furry was hard!  I don't have anything furry in my apartment, I don't have any pets. 
Then I remembered these buds right outside our apartment building - they are amazing, they've held on for the whole winter.  I have no clue how I captured the little fuzz around it.

4.  Life
It snowed again today, and we had errands to run.  I kept thinking about how everything just continues onward even in the snow, it doesn't stop.  And I loved how the green arrows keep us moving forward.

5.  Blurred
This is a sneak peek into my attempts at a self-portrait.  We park in a garage and I have always wanted to take a photo in that mirror.  That's my husband in the background, getting antsy.  I love the lines and shapes in this image. 

Friday, February 25, 2011

S&E: 7 (Edit) Pink

Another week of shooting and editing, led by our fearless leaders.  This week's prompt, pink.  That's my original to the left. 

I went a little action cah-rae-zee.  I like clicking the action, watching it happen, and not knowing what the heck just went down, but gleefully choosing save each time I do it. 

My hard drive, however, does not like it so much.  Which is good because these edits begin to stack up.  How do you all choose just one?  What do you do with them all?

And then I answered my own question.  I started to post all my many edits, but I kept staring at one.  I like it.  It feels just right.  

Actually, I can't believe that I did that.  Yay.







Monday, February 21, 2011

ABAW:7

Female friendships. 

I envy those who seem to have seamless, easy relationships with other women.  As an adult, I'm trying to develop healthy, supportive connections.  But as a teenager and young adult, I found myself trapped in suffocating ones, explosive ones, abusive ones.  As I write this, it is occurring to me that some of those friendships were abusive.  Why do we do that to each other? 

And so now those experiences flavor my interactions with women.  I find myself pulling back to protect myself, or assuming that someone wouldn't like me, or would see the negative parts of myself rather than want to help me celebrate the positives.  I realized this again, as I attended my second yoga class:  I assumed that others would not like me.  That's crazy! 

I don't want to live a life that tears others down.  I want to live in a world that lifts others up.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Scavenger Hunt



For many, many weeks I've been trying to do this photo scavenger hunt.  I was going to give up and claim that I could never do it (with dramatic hand gestures and all).  But this week, the things to find were all easily findable, so I had no excuse.  So here goes!






1.  Chocolate
I have not been eating sugar for almost a year (except little planned cheats here and there).  I've recently been dreaming about eating chocolate, so this one was torture.  It smelled so good while I was shooting.  But I put them all back in the bag when I was done.  Sigh.  Torture.

2.  Numbers
 My sudoko book!

3.  Canned Food
I'm proud of myself on this one.  Not because its a particularly good shot, but because this pushed me to really think about what I was doing.  Everything from framing, to layout, to focus.  

4.  Music
I love you, iPhone.  
This little gem randomly pulled one amazing song after another while I was taking photos, cleaning my apartment and folding laundry.  Its amazing, a whole new way of thinking about music.  

5.  Stacks
I mentioned the cleaning of the apartment, right?  I had too many choices for this one:  the stacks of magazines, the stacks of books, the stacks of random crap.  These are all waiting to be "processed" - cut up to be used in my art projects, fun articles/recipes ripped out for later use, and the remainder recycled.  I love, love, love these body+soul magazines.

S&E: 7 (SOOC) Pink

Pink.  Hmm.  Actually not so easy to find.  And, finally, I spotted those super sharp, pink handled scissors that I love so much, standing tall in my terra cotta pencil holder.  I'm curious how the edit will work on this.  There are so many colors in this image, I want to bring the brightness down a notch while keeping true to the pink. 


Saturday, February 19, 2011

S&E: 6 (Edit) Love/Romance

Its interesting how much can change in a week...last week we were enjoying our romantic valentine's dinner.  This week, he's taking good care of me while I fight off the flu.  Its always a good time when toilet paper doubles as kleenex.  Here's my edits this week:

Original, SOOiPhone

 Did all the typical edits.  I tried to play with curves, but I need to spend more time learning how to actually do it.  The image has a lot of noise, but when I tried to reduce it, the spots of light all over the image were gone.  I chose to keep the noise and the spots of light because that's what I love about it. 


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

ABAW:6

I think my brain is turning to mush.  First, it took me two weeks to read this.  Second, every time I read the author's name, I thought "McGruber!"

I've learned that it takes me a long time to read a book I don't care for.  I typically devour them.  When I know that I don't like what I'm reading, I sometimes want to put them down and not finish them, but then they have statements like "New York Times Bestseller" emblazoned across them, and I think "maybe I just don't get it and I should keep trying."  Eh.

I don't have a lot of deep thinking to share but I did want to share this line:
"Screenwriters are the unacknowledged legislators of mankind."
One of the characters is an aspiring filmmaker.  He points out that movies shape our reality - not the other way around (we put popular ideas in films).  So, everything we think comes from movies.  The character goes so far to say "there is no authentic left."  Which is interesting, because when reading this book, I kept thinking about this.  Or, maybe I'm just cranky tonight.

Monday, February 14, 2011

A Thing A Day: February 5 - 13

I am so excited to share these!  Please check out my Thing A Day page here.
*I should say that the beautiful image of the woman above is a collaged found image.  All of the cards created are a combination of found images and drawn images.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

S&E: 6 (SOOC) Love/Romance

I'm doing an experiment this week!  My husband and I are Verizon customers, and have been waiting patiently for the release of the iPhone, which was finally delivered on Monday!  I've been dying to see what this iPhone photography hype is all about.   I just can't get over the idea that a phone could take a decent photo.

This was taken during our Valentine's dinner.  We were seated in front of a fireplace, and our table was this beautiful hammered copper.  Twinkly lights in the window, small candles, and glass.  I couldn't stand it, I had to take a picture.  Can you imagine if I had my camera with me?

SOOC - er, Iphone

Saturday, February 12, 2011

S&E: 5 (Edit)

I'm feeling very far behind on everything this week.  Eh, I'll catch up some time, right?  Here is this week's edit:

The original

With Edits
With edits: standard alterations in Lightroom to balance out the light and color; opened in PS, did the high pass filter, a contrast and color balance layer, and ran a quick action that does a burn around the edges.   I like a burn around the edges.   Oh, and there is a sepia filter in there somewhere just to warm things up a bit.

For this one, I kept looking at the heart shape itself, and making that the primary focus.  I was thinking though about the lines of the fingers, and feeling uncertain if the lines brought the focus back to the heart, or away from it?  And then I started thinking that maybe I should have cropped the image on the bottom...I'm always realizing an edit I should have made right before I post it!  Still not quite right, but here it is:

With edits and crop


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

S&E: 5 (SOOC)

I'm a lot late on this one.   The challenge this week was to capture an image of a heart.  I wanted to do it right, but couldn't find *just the right thing*.  Ah, my downfall.   Then I woke up with a smarty idea, and tried to coerce my husband into making a heart with his hands.  He did it once and then we had a big argument.  Not so good.   Fast forward to this morning, he graciously became my hand model, lending me five whole morning light minutes.  Thanks honey!




Saturday, February 5, 2011

A Thing A Day: February 1-4

I'm super excited about this one.  I spent hours trying to get the coding to work so that I could mouse over images to share what I've been working on.

The challenge is to make a thing each day.  It seems so hard, but I am blown away by the things people are making as part of the challenge.  Everything from sketches, to music, to baking.  I forgot how far reaching the definition of make and creativity are.

For me, I am altering a playing card each day.  At the end of January, I sanded down the front of back of 28 cards (the other 24 were used here).  Every day, I pull out one of the pre-sanded cards, which I stamped with the corresponding date.  I'm gluing down found items, painting, writing as my day goes by.  On the stamped side, I am journaling.  Here are days 1-4.  To see the journaling (and my fancy roll over magic, go here):



A Year In The Life of an Art Journal: Musical Musings (January 30)

The next prompt for the Year in the Life of An Art Journal is regarding time, and recommends incorporating the song Butterflies & Hurricanes by Muse and using Numbers.

























As usual, art making sort of takes over and moves me from fulfilling the cognitive requirements of the prompt to creating whatever needs to come out.  I was very into the lyrics, and so printed them out and applied gel medium (a new technique for me), and used them liberally!  I'm very into red this week, so that became my base.  I stamped repeating numbers (000001, 000002, 000003) in red, and my age in black.  Added found images of change - my favorite is the one of the development of a star, broken into four stages.  I included a part of an Ikea paper ruler, to connect to the statement best, you've got to be the best, a need to "measure up" which feels like a ridiculous, impossible task.  And at the same time, incredibly important to push oneself to their highest potential.  I'm really struggling with both.  Those lyrics really resonated with me, and I journaled all over the page about it.  I just love the duality of this impossible measuring up with others, and the internal search to be our fullest selves.  And not knowing quite how to do it...

Friday, February 4, 2011

S&E: 4 (PS)

SOOC


Opened in ACR, did white balance edits.  In PS, did all the fancy layer tricks.  Favorite changes:  adding an action that performed an edge burn, and a red photo filter (erased on the snow because it was pink!).  Getting better!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

December 29 - Defining Moment / December 30 - Gift / December 31 - Core Story

And one last one.  This is it!



December 29 – Defining Moment
Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.
When I reach back to last year, I see little dots:  we decided to start trying to get pregnant, we decided to buy a house, I took my test for my license.  And then a big one:  I started running.  I got my license.  I didn't get pregnant.  We didn't buy a house.  This year has been one of big decisions that seemed to go nowhere, and little ones that made a huge impact in the path of our lives.  I can feel the ripples begin to change this year, and the change in direction.

I've been looking over my blog, and can see tangible changes in this space too.  I created my own header and gradually have started to put together an online "identity."  I started making images bigger and better.  I've been taking more photos, and those are getting better as I learn more.  I am working on how I say the things I say...but I want to get better at that.  And slowly, slowly, I am building up community.



December 30 – Gift
This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?
In fairness, I will list one tangible and one emotional.  I've mentioned before the gift of being listened to - this one is one I can never repay.  And my Christmas gift of a camera...to be so supported in the things that make me feel good inside...thank you.




December 31 – Core Story
What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)
How the you-know-what do you answer a question like this?  I don't know what my central story is.  But I've been thinking a lot about how this blog has been really helpful in pulling it all together.  I am finding a way to balance and carry all these pieces of myself, and bring them together into a more cohesive whole.  I'm also becoming less afraid of putting together my thoughts and sharing them.  And I've been able to create and be creative.

So, the core story?  I'm a person on a journey to figure out who I am and how to best use my talents to do a little good, feel a little good, and maybe make some use of this life.  I've battled many inner demons, I've learned that I need community, that I will crash and burn if I don't carefully stoke my inner fire, that I love documenting and observing the world, that I'm terrible at finishing projects but am growing better at it, that I can sort through all my feelings and can handle them, and that I have a voice and things to say. 

More tools to help plan the year ahead:
How to Budget for an Irregular Income
Lifehacker’s Free Tools to Manage New Years Resolutions
Gretchen Rubin’s Questions to Help You Make Effective New Year’s Resolutions.
Susannah Conway’s Allowing Dreams

I'm done!  Next year:  I will do these on time.  Seriously.

Join Here:  Reflect on this year & manifest what's next

December 27 - Ordinary Joy / December 28 – Achieve

I am very behind on these, and am uploading the whole thing today!  Sorry for dragging it out so long...thanks for bearing with (and humoring) me.  Chalk this up to another one of my projects that I take forever to complete! 




December 27 – Ordinary Joy
Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

Roll your eyes if you must:  I am going to answer running AGAIN.  When I have dragged myself outside or on the treadmill, and my body has started moving, there is a moment where the adrenaline starts and I feel good.  I feel happy.  I feel light, and free, and joyful.  This lasts.  It is so much more than a moment, I can actually carry it forward and keep it.

I first felt this (and still do) when I met my husband, this lasting joy that I could carry with me.  It felt tangible, oddly concrete.  I would stop and think "ah ha, so THIS is what it feels like."  And so I offer these other small moments - snuggling on the couch, playing around while making dinner, making something, seeing someone succeed or get an idea, singing with the radio, a really good cup of tea, getting a comment, uploading a post I've worked on all night...



December 28 – Achieve
What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

I want to more actively create.  When I make things, I feel amazing.  It feeds on itself, and I begin to think more visually, I come up with more creative solutions, I express myself better verbally, I feel clearer about what I want and where I am going.  When I am not creating, I feel mucky-muck, trapped, empty.  The trick is, its hard to balance making with my job - even though I am trained to be an art therapist! 
  1. Take photos every weekend, anywhere I can.
  2. Practice looking, even if I don't take a photo.
  3. Join online challenges, and follow along with the prompts.
  4. Share with others, even talking about it.
  5. Make art with other people.
  6. Break creative tasks into steps so I can achieve even something small on a daily basis.
  7. Redefine what it means to "make art" and let it be teeny tiny, imperfect, and with whatever materials I want.
  8. Think about the different tasks and brainstorm whenever I can (driving!).
  9. Do try to make or do something daily.
  10. Include writing and reading and researching in the concept of creating.

Two tools to help plan the year ahead:
Start Your Own Happiness Project
The Next Step After Vision



The first link feels a bit like marketing, I didn't have too much luck pulling something from there to use immediately.  I will admit, her book is on my amazon wishlist, and others seem to benefit from her words.  The second link resonates a bit more with me.  The author points to that moment when we articulate a new direction, like "I want a new job".  Instead of jumping on it, wrestling it to the floor and asking it what steps I'll need to take, we should welcome it, acknowledge it, enjoy it, be with it.  And then see what it has to tell us.  Which resonates so strongly with me, because I have a bunch of those visitors right now, and I can't wait to see what they have to say.





Join Here:  Reflect on this year & manifest what's next

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

ABAW:5

I've been thinking a lot about fire.  Fire is showing up in my art work and in the metaphors I use to internally understand my clients.  Today I drove through steadily falling snow to get to a workshop on working with clients who have set fires (learned:  don't call clients pyromaniacs or firestarters; fire setting is typically a behavior based on normative curiosity, those words are pathologizing).  It occurred to me that I've worked with a lot of clients who have had these behaviors, which feels significant to me, but I don't fully grasp why yet. 

All this thinking stood in stark contrast to the ice collecting on my windshield wipers, the never ending expanse of white (and brown, ugh), the slow monotonous rolling through streets.  As I drove, I kept thinking about how to harness that fire. 

This is my overarching question of the moment:  How do I harness my proverbial fire, and once I do, what do I use it for?  I'm stretching myself in new directions, and its not quite enough.  I don't know where I'm going or what the purpose is.  Just that I'm feeling like I'm supposed to go this way.   

This is where my thinking is, as I unearthed this book from my half-read pile of books.  A summer book, this one was read on the beach, and greedily I did not want to finish it.  I do this a lot:  I am so worried about finishing (or succeeding) that I don't.  A good book, a good idea, lays unfinished and incomplete.  But once I complete it, a flood of new ideas and resources takes its place.  Levoy would call this ignoring the Call.  Well, here goes:  another stumble closer to heeding my own call.  If I could just figure out what it is. 
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