ABAW:14-16

Maybe you've noticed that I've been missing.  Maybe not - gosh, I wish I knew more about who was reading and why.  I apologize, I'm just not a pre-planned poster.  This is what you get!

My husband and I had the luck to be invited to a wedding located in the Florida Keys, a place on my bucket list!  I've always wanted to see that arm of islands stretching out into the blue sea.  It was a lovely trip, one in which we reconnected, I relaxed a tiny bit, and we again fantasized about moving somewhere warmer.  I would die happy if I could live next to the beach.

Before I left, I worked crazy long hours just trying to get damn paperwork done.  I didn't get to make art, I didn't get to read, I just stayed late, I came home and did more work.  Every time I'm in it, I love it.  I feel invigorated, invested, dedicated, and yes, exhausted.  I wrap myself up in the intensity of the adrenaline, coaxing more and more out of my adrenal glands, knowing I'm paying a price.  I step away, and I realize that its crazy.  What the hell am I doing?

And then I think about all the things I know, and how being an adult child of an alcoholic influences this tendency to overwork, to have poor boundaries.  Then I disregard this, and slip right back into the comfortable insanity of being a overworked, underpaid and ridiculously idealistic therapist.  I make promises to myself to be more balanced, and then I find six hours of work in my bag to come home with me.  I bend my rules and schedule an early appointment here and a late appointment there, and think about the extra money and being needed.  My husband begins to question what happened to the brief period where I was coming home semi-on time.  I make jokes, but I feel like an a-hole. 

I don't know how to change it.  Right now, there is a part of me that absolutely loves what I am doing.  Actually a huge part.  Its fulfilling something for me, healthy or not.  But I also love making art, and writing, and reading, and I am not really doing those at all.  Am I avoiding those things?  Or do I really genuinely love what I am doing?  It seems the moment I stop to reflect, and possibly make a change, I entangle myself further.

Perhaps the question is really about what change I would actually make.  I can't think of anything more fulfilling and thought provoking, developing these strangely intimate and yet terribly separate relationships, full of meaning and frustration, pushing agonizingly through and wishing upon hope for change. 

Right before I left for vacation, I was so overworked that I felt vulnerable, my heart hurt, my poor boundaries were leading to poorer boundaries.  A good friend recommended visualizing closing the energy to my heart (the heart chakra), much like a flower closing at night.  And she's right, it works:  I need distance, balance, fulfillment.

Over vacation, I was able to read a bunch.  I loved the titles for these books:  Saving the World, When She Flew and What Was Lost.  Maybe I reached for these because they fit so well.  Maybe they reached for me.  And I feel oddly vulnerable as I post this - I've put it off wondering why I do this blog at all.  I'm not sure. 

Scavenger Hunt

This was a great photo weekend (aren't those the best?!) - we drove to NY to visit my husband's family and wow, I could have stayed another month just to take pictures.  Plus, they're pretty awesome people too. 

I've been experimenting with trying to capture sun flares - and received some great advice from Snapshots by Michele that I had to try out.   I stared at the sun a bit too much to be healthy, but discovered that I can do magical things just by changing my f-stops.

 1. SOOC - We were coming home from hiking and found this beautiful bird (crane? egret?) on the side of the road.  I used my big lens (aka Canon EF-S 55-250 mm). 

G2W: 17 (Edits) Growth

Another week of Good to Wow, where Jill of Jill Samter Photography guides us to take better SOOC photos and Ashley of Ramblings and Photos teaches us how to be better photo editors.

This week's prompt:  Growth.

My fella and I have been outside as much as possible lately, hiking through the woods and enjoying the beginning of spring.  I've been admiring all the photos that other bloggers take of buds, branches, trees and flowers, and keep trying to master them.  And so I've been taking a ton of these photos!

My edits this week are sweet and simple:  I ran all of Ashley's recommendations, and then played with some of the actions I have in PS.  Rats, and I don't remember what I did on the first one.  Hmm, see, this is why I don't write tutorials (and have all the admiration in the world for you all who do, thank you!)

21: Child's Play and Abstract Adventure

I stumbled on this amazing community of women who make gorgeous art, and was compelled when they announced an online art journaling course called 21 Secrets.  There is something wickedly decadent about the title, and the course is even better.  I wasn't sure at first (I didn't want to watch videos), and frankly, I can't keep up.  Each class could easily stand on its own and provide months of creative fodder.  The videos are awesome, and I'm totally inspired. And of course, I wanted to share what I've been up to...

G2W: 17 (SOOC) Growth

Aw man (and yes, I just wrote aw man!), I haven't been able to do all of the photography challenges I've been following along with - I think I've missed three weeks.  What have I been up to?  I have no clue:  maybe trying to keep ahead of everything, catching up at work (why are there times when I fall so far behind but nothing has really changed?), and maybe just taking a general creative break.

I've started to make some minor changes to my blog, and hope for bigger ones soon.  Its past time to pretty it up, and I'd like to make the site more welcoming to those of you who are kind enough to stop in.  As always, thank you.

Scavenger Hunt

Woo hoo!  This weekend, I took lots of great photos and seem to have enough for the Scavenger Hunt this week!  I didn't do too much editing, just the basics in Lightroom and put 'em up here!  That's a lot of exclamation points!  

1. Architecture