ABAW:3

My mom likes to get me randomly subversive books and books about energy healing.  She also tells me to be good, obey the rules, and find a stable job with health insurance.  Mixed messages, that lady.  Thanks to her I am a confused mess of a non-conformist attempting to squish myself into a square box world.  All I want to do is take that square box and turn it into a shrine.  Or a shadow box.  Or a secret place to put cool things into.  Oh! Or a fort!

Anyway (which she says a lot), she got me this book for Christmas.  I think she feels bad that I'm so miserable in my stable job, desperately holding onto my health insurance and praying for retirement (with my $0 retirement funds). 

Reading books like this make me think one thing:  AUGH.  I gotta do something.  But I never know what.

So then I got to thinking about this here blog, and how I have no idea what I'm doing here.  And how for some reason, it has become a place for all the things I love.  Maybe somewhere here I'll figure out where the heck I'm going (yep, I just wrote heck).  I do know that I need to get a lot clearer about what I want and take some scary leaps to get there.

What if we paid off all of our debt?  What if we didn't buy a house and traveled the world instead?  What if.  What ifs bring up lots of "hows?"  Its the hows that are tricky.