A Playing Card Book - An update

I've been experimenting with my playing card books, with some success and some interesting accidents. I posted the beginnings of my first experiment about a month ago. I found that by painting the cards first and then gluing on images, the cards curled up and refused to lay flat. To attempt to remedy that, I placed my iron on top of the pile of cards and left them overnight, which was not my brightest idea. I checked them in the morning and found a soggy mess as the iron had leaked all over the cards. I had to tear cards apart, leaving ripped paper behind. Annoying, but also a very cool effect (seen in image to left). I've decided to let it be, and am pleased with the messiness of it. The point of making these books was to experiment and just make something, not to do something perfect. So I'm thrilled at the happy accident of it all but not so pleased that the pages still curl too much despite being weighed down overnight. My next step has been thinking about the images and beginning to add some writing (seen in image to right). I've noticed some themes of freedom and self-identity showing up in this little book.

I also started making a new book, after deciding that I wanted to process some recent losses in my family. I've glued on the images and began altering them with paint. I plan to go back and write in the stories. Because of the difficult nature of this project, it seems to be taking longer than anticipated. But the other purpose of this experiment was to do a little personal art therapy, and use art to process some of my thoughts/feelings/experiences. So I will just let it happen when its ready to come out.

The Altered Book Project

Last weekend, we drove by a gorgeous red farm house with a huge pile of books lined along its picket fence and a sign that read "Free Books." While I love sorting through a pile of free books, I'm never quite able to find what I'm looking for. Usually there are a lot of paperbacks, cheesy books on romance, finances and self-image. I daydream about finding a treasure trove of hardback books with old, library book covers, those textured fabrics and imprinted lettering. If the pages are yellowed with an old font, even better. And I covet books on maps, science, with technical drawings and antiquated instructions. This pile of free books was better than expected! I took home two bags of really spectacular finds, a hard back Lord of the Rings set, two atlases, and one old school Weight Watchers cook book, among many more.

I've been looking for a find like this for awhile because I've been planning to make some altered books, both for myself and with my clients. An Altered Book is literally a book that has been modified into a piece of art. It can be sliced into, pages glued together, cut out or folded up to make envelopes, secret hiding places, drawers and holes. The pages can be added to, painted, decorated, decoupaged, stamped, sewn, burned, torn, and can become something completely beyond what its original purpose was. The original book can be non-existent.

As a book lover, the idea of altering a book is a bit crazy. It feels wrong to do. However, the therapeutic symbolism of it is a powerful metaphor. By taking something old, unusable, something in bad shape, or out of date, and taking control of it, morphing it into something beautiful and unexpected, is transformative. In addition, the inherent narrative of the book can support the telling of the narrative of a person's life, piecing together an individual's journey. Here, a person gets to literally re-create their story. And taking control of my narrative, my life, is incredibly important. The altered book can be like a journal, and there is no right or wrong way to do it, only experimentation. A page can be worked and reworked, removed if necessary. I love it, I love seeing what comes from it, I love the freedom of it, and I love the unexpectedness of it.

And now that I've found this secret stash of gorgeous books, I have no excuse but to get started. That beautiful green atlas will be the first one I get started on, and I'll post updates here. As for those other books, I think its time to get started on planning a Altered Book group for my clients.

Forgetting Winter

The winter here in New England has been brutal. I started a new job in September, and of course had no sick or vacation time accumulated in preparation for the inevitable snow day (hello, this is the land of Nor'easters). I didn't realize (although a sinking place inside of me knew it was coming) that it would snow weekly or sometimes bi-weekly. Oh or for days in a row. In the midst of this, I had this ridiculous push to build up my case load and see a certain number of clients every week. The funny thing is, clients don't come when its a blizzard outside. I think our concept of "mentally ill" is ridiculous: who is more crazy, the person who is wise enough to stay home or the idiot who works during a white out for a company that never closes? It was me who was depressed; every day was gray and dreary, I can count the sunny days because I desperately sucked in every last drop of Vitamin D, huddled in a wrap, with my feet perched on a second heater in my cold office painted a mocking sunny yellow. Bah.

Today was a brilliant blue day, highlighted by the trees popping fresh greens, whites and pinks. My office window was open; I drove in with my sunroof tilted, music blaring, hair blowing, relaxed happiness. There was a sense of relief in the air, everyone was lighter, laughing, smiling, remarking, "Its a beautiful day outside!" The radio DJs even went so far to say, "Spring in New England is why we suffer through the six months of winter."

Ah ha! Well, to you Winter, I say: I will not forget you. Oh, yes, I may have conquered you and your icy mounds of thundersnow with my wickedly expensive snow tires and superior traction control. I fought against your frigid temperature, with gloves mailed to me from a far warmer climate (and they were worn with a lovely sense of irony) and my dear, life saving heated seats. I even made due with my coat for one more year, and dutifully carried around my snow boots. I think your most devious move has been your darkness. I thought I would barely crawl out of the shortness of your days - eating french fries once a week was the only thing that saved me. I found myself desperate for even the tepid heat of the sun. I had to restraint myself from bringing home boxes, packing my belongings and running away. I begged my husband to move - anywhere - and drew up pie charts and lists proving that we had to move. You almost had me Winter.

But today's New England, I could stay for this. Until it becomes clear that Summer is pathetically short, and Fall settles again. I am not a fool for the brilliant foliage - I know what is coming. You and me, Winter, we are not friends. You challenge me, deplete me, and make me fat and lazy. I can't stand you and your icy wet coldness. I will not forget.

Silent Sunday

State Park, Maryland

Silent Sunday

Place of Refuge, Big Island, Hawaii

Silent Sunday

Mt. Auburn Cemetery, Cambridge, MA

Silent Sunday

Waltham, MA

My Husband's Top Eleven -- no, Twelve -- Most Influential Albums

Also tagged elsewhere, but fits nicely here. With no hesitation, here are my husband's twelve most influential albums. I am willing to bet that every one of these albums has at least one song that he's played air drums to and said, "When I have a band, I'm going to cover this song!"

1. Frank Zappa, Joe's Garage
2. XTC, Oranges and Lemons & Skylarking
3. Arsonists, As the World Burns
4. Kevin Gilbert, Thud
5. Strength Through Diversity, Compilation
6. Mike Keneally, Boil That Dust Speck
7. Propagandhi, How to Clean Everything
8. Ron Thal, The Adventures of Bumblefoot
9. Shawn Lane, Powers of Ten
10. Dead Prez, Let's Get Free
11. Descendents, I Don't Want to Grow Up
12. Mr. Bungle, Mr. Bungle

25 Most Influential Albums

Tagged elsewhere to write my 25 Most Influential Albums. Dig this list better that a list of the top 25 Albums Ever or something like that. This reflects just those albums that impacted me and my life only, no one else.

Middle School
2. New Kids on the Block, Hangin Tough
3. Madonna, True Blue

High School
1. Grateful Dead, American Beauty
5. Woodstock
6. Faith No More, The Real Thing, Angel Dust
8. Hair
9. Tori Amos, Little Earthquakes
10. Stone Temple Pilots, Core
11. The Doors, Best of
12. Creedence Clearwater Revival, Chronicle 20 Greatest Hits
13. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Best of
14. Simon & Garfunkel, Best of
17. Pearl Jam, Ten
19. Soul Asylum, Grave Dancers Union
23. Violent Femmes, Add It Up
24. Skid Row & Slaughter

College
7. Ani DiFranco, Out of Range
15. Dar Williams, Mortal City
16. Sarah McLachlan, Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
18. Bob Marley & The Wailers, Legend
20. Crowded House, Recurring Dream
21. James Taylor, Best of

Adulthood
4. Beethoven, Best of
22. Journey, Best of
25. Neil Diamond, Best of

A Playing Card Book - In progress

My training is in art therapy, and the truth is I've been needing a bit of that myself lately. I've been searching online for ideas and have been pretty inspired to use my many random school supplies and oodles of magazine cutouts and MAKE something with them to help process all this stuff rolling around in my head. I'm really interested in creating little books, something contained that will bring some of my experiences together in a cohesive format. I have tons of little envelopes and baggies and I love the idea of using date and number stamps to represent literal or imaginary dates, and to number things, which reminds me of my weekly quest to make productivity, and the sheer amount of information I process on an hourly basis. The stamps, envelopes and baggies bring order to my chaos.

I've been particularly interested in using playing cards in my art because I spend a lot of time playing cards with my clients. Interestingly, pre-adolescent boys love to play War. It is a game that takes no skill whatsoever, and I watch them struggle literally with the hand they've been dealt, wanting so desperately to beat me. And we have good conversations about what it feels like to win, how important it is to be in control, to predict the outcome, and soon they get lost in the monotony of the game, playing psychic guessing tricks and finding ways to keep the game going forever. The compulsion becomes safe as they master it.

I've thought too about the number of tough conversations I've had over hands of Rummy, with eyes carefully focused on putting together a series of cards and hoping for just the right one to pop up. I usually lose, because I am thinking about which questions to ask about a father, a sibling, a behavior, a feeling. My family plays cards at every get together, and its usually a rowdy affair with lots of laughter and goofiness. I am acutely aware of the difference between those carefree games with my family and the intensity of these games with my clients. For me, there are stories in playing cards. I felt I could use the same structure for myself to create some art and possibly process some of my experience.

I have several decks of incomplete cards, so I pulled out the Ace through 10 of spades, and started painting the backs white. My intent was to decorate the backs, punch holes in them and link them into a book. The white paint didn't cover well and I found that the face of the card was not as important as the idea and shape of it, so then I began to pull out images cut out of magazines from my ongoing magazine project (to cut down on my mega-magazine collection, I'm pulling out articles and pictures and recycling the rest).

I love how this is turning out because I feel a story coming together. Once the basic images are glued onto the cards, I will begin to layer with other words, images, textures. I have some statements that I've done image transfers of that will layer over images ("And that was what now she often felt the need of - to think; well, not even to think. To be silent; to be alone."). I enjoy the process of identifying images and bringing them together to create a narrative. I will share it once it is complete.

**This art is just for me, and my process, so I use magazine images just to get the process flowing. Utilizing magazine images is a researched art therapy technique and is a great way to find imagery that speaks in a way you can not. Some artists would disagree with this and prefer to make everything themselves, or cite this as copyright infringement. So to be clear, this is a process. The images are not my own, but the expression is.