December 1 – One Word

I've been following the daily prompts given by this website.  The idea is to "reflect on this year and manifest the next."  Love it.  I'm a little behind, but wanted to do a couple for here.

December 1:
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

My word for 2010 is Running.  The idea of running has always been a metaphor for me, and purely a metaphor:  I was one who made dumb jokes like "I only run when I am being chased."   But for the many, many years I attended college, I often visualized my completion of school as running.  This image grew stronger as I moved to Boston and I would think about the billion things I had to balance and this image of running would come to mind.  I visualized myself at a steady pace, gradually passing my imaginary peers.

This image changed as I entered my new job.  I felt like I was constantly moving, going, taking in information, filling out paperwork, a non-stop machine.  Running morphed into a running from, a rat-race type of running.  I was like a balloon, just bouncing around when the wind blew.  And by 2010 I was exhausted.

And this is tough to admit, I tend to run away from personal issues.  I withdraw, I hide, I avoid.  This was a year where I had to start facing this desire to run and begin to think about setting down roots. I've had to start taking a painful look at myself.  I can't hide anymore. 

My anxiety started reaching fever pitch when a good friend mentioned that she went running.  It seemed so seamless and simple:  put on shoes, go outside, run a bit, listen to my iPod, take in some Vitamin D, combat my anxiety and depression.  And that weekend I went and bought shoes.  And started running.  I also stopped eating sugar.  I started sleeping again.  I was not depressed.  I began to lose weight.  My anxiety dipped lower and lower.  I began to take control of my life again. 

Morning after morning, I began to get my thinking in order.  I felt my body grow more confident and strong.  I learned how to set pace and to breathe.  Such simple skills I was desperately lacking.

Running has become so powerfully life changing for me, that as I am stuck inside because it is 11 degrees outside, my heart is pounding at the happiness of running.  I feel good while I am running.  I feel alive.  Running helped me begin an inner search, to grow more grounded and rooted.  It is no longer a running away or a running from, but an act of strength, balance, consistency and focus.  And so, I can't think of a better word to mark this year:  this is the year I started and stopped running.

And as for next year:  every time I try to think of a word, I think of the blue of the Florida Keys and of Maine, places we are scheduled to visit; of this unfindable house; of the fertility issues that I will have to face and seek treatment for; a deeper journey of the self; photography and writing and ideas.  I think of the word expansion.  But we'll see.