December 7 - Community

December 7 – Community
Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

For several years, finding community has been difficult for me.  I am a loner, a homebody, I do fine by myself.  I do fine with lots of people too.  But I didn't realize (or admit) that I needed people.  When we moved to Boston six years ago (wow, six years?), it was hard to be away from family, I had no job, no friends here, no direction, it was just me and my husband.  I didn't realize how much I needed community.  I went to school, I created small pockets of community here and there, but nothing lasting or fulfilling.  It involves a lot of putting yourself out there, which scares the crap out of me.  That's vulnerable land.  And so I've let this city be a lonely place.  Now, as we begin thinking about starting a family or when something as simple occurs as our car breaking down, I think again about how far away our support system is.  And so I admit, I am hungry for community.  

I realized something shocking this past year:  my job has become this for me.  I truly care about the people I work with.  When I was offered another job, the thought of leaving - despite the falling apart building, the low pay, the intense workload - made me feel like an untethered balloon.  I need this supportive, caring group right now.  I can be smart and efficient, I can also hurt and make mistakes.  

But its not enough.  I need a family base around me outside of this work family.  I need a community to make art with.  I need a supervision group that I can let my guard down with, who also use art in healing.  I want to keep building friendships.  I want to see my mom more.  Yes, I am hungry for community.  So this means that I have to keep letting myself be vulnerable and taking a lot of risks.  Yikes.  Maybe I'll keep practicing here.