December 19 - Healing

December 19 – Healing. 
What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? 

There is something profoundly powerful about having someone bear witness to your story, and to really, actually listen to you.  There is something equally magical about realizing that you are telling your story, and allowing someone to listen.  There are certain things that I bear very close to my chest.  I tell no one.  This is learned behavior:  I tried to tell people before, and felt judged, or it was used later against me.  I never felt viewed as a whole person whose perspective is inherently valuable.  I felt flawed and shamed.

Through a very unique relationship with a woman who I suspect understands me because our stories are mirrored, I've been telling my story through bits and pieces, left monthly along with tears that inevitably come as a shocking and refreshing surprise.  Inevitably, I look up and find that I am not being regarded in disgust or being shunned.  And so, a little bit more comes forward.  I may not always completely trust her, and am ready to jump up and run at a moments notice.  But, it was during one of these meetings that it occurred to me that I didn't feel shame any more.  And another meeting, when she cried right with me the tears that I ached to have someone cry with me. 

This is healing.  And so next year, another step forward.

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